One day , friend came to visit us, and started a conversation about open relationship and its effects on normal relationship. Eventually, our discussion was narrowed down to the sex issue as expected, is it good for relationship? How influential is sex in a relationship?
Do married men get to be rejected more often in sex?
One day , friend came to visit us, and started a conversation about open relationship and its effects on normal relationship.
Eventually, our discussion was narrowed down to the sex issue as expected, is it good for relationship? How influential is sex in a relationship?
In all my researches on couples' communication, I discovered that sexual communication is the hardest to achieve and relationships reach their dead end at this point. Somehow, it’s very hard for partners to be fully open about their feelings when it comes to sexual communication.
That was why I decided to write this post, which is aimed at explaining some enlightened points I had about sexual communication.
For us to be on the same page, I’d like to begin with the idea that men and women have different progression towards sexual arouse.
And if you don’t agree with this assumption, there is no point for you to keep reading this post.
Well, you are still here!
The first and commonest misunderstanding of sexual communication is that men and women going through the same process as they approach sexual arouse. But the fact remains that men and women reach orgasm in different ways.
For men, sexual stimulation starts in theirs mind and has nothing to do with the physical surroundings, and the erotic touch comes after to help them to reach orgasm. However, when it comes to women, the physical sensation that comes with the erotic touch is where the sexual arouse begin and mind stimulation follows before they reach orgasm.
Due to the striking difference in the way men and women attain sexual arouse. Men usually become well fed in few minutes as a result of autonomous sexual stimulation from their mind. Therefore, they are fully horny before touching women, and usually are oblivious of the fact that theirs spouse just thinking how they forgets to call back their colleagues.
At this point, women didn't go through any sexual arousal that is readily running in men's mind and have no clue that something is going on with men.
This misunderstanding is one of the greatest barrier of the sexual communication, and the only way to overcome this barrier is for the women to accept the fact that the men is one step ahead of them. For them to stay in the game, men should help them completing their first step of the sexual arouse. And men should always be aware of the fact that women aren't there yet, and to be more patient until their partner achieve it.
Another barrier (not necessarily smaller) is control issue.
Since the first step happens in the men's mind without the knowledge of women, they feel like they are forced into the game when no one asked them whether they want to play at all. it makes women feel that they are being sexually abused. Therefore, they become sexually retarded and compelled to reject men's desire.
Men who often feel deeply offended by the women rejection need to understand women sexual arousal deficiency. And start revealing their mental sexual arouse from the start, let their women know about it in the primally stage of the arouse lest they give up the advantage of coming to the sexual activity fully horny.
Women need to understand that rejection is a slippery slope and too many rejections leave men in the dark, frustrated, not knowing when their spouses ready for sexual activity.
The accumulated frustration in men that results from rejection and failure to attain their sexual desire often reads negative meanings and eventually destroys the art of sexual communication in relationship.
Sexual communication like I said is the hardest skill to achieve in relationship, you need to agree on this and understand each others body language. Brainstorm your ideas, know your spouse deficiency and help each other towards achieving a better sexual communication for mutual enjoyment.
share your heart and create a healthy sexual communication.